Failure to me doesn’t necessarily mean failing, if I don’t achieve the best it still feels like a fail in my mind. If I put all my effort into a project and the outcome was a fail, that would just prove how stupid I am right?
Education and the fear of failing:
In secondary school I didn’t revise for any of my important exams, I believed it was better to fail alone, than to try hard and still fail. I’m not sure who I was impressing as I’m sure my family and friends were supportive as long as I was happy. I’d never failed anything before, I’ve always been quite academic, so I’m very unsure where this fear came from, I had no pressure to succeed other than myself. Yet the fear of failure was so overwhelming I let it take over.
What’s ‘annoying’ is I stilled passed all 21 exams I took, mostly A’s, nothing less than a B. Therefore this should prove to me I’m not as stupid as I think myself. Imagine how well I could have done if I revised even a little.
How I am now:
To this day I still hold on tight to this fear, and let it affect me. I am now studying at degree level and am overwhelmed with lack of faith that I constantly believe my assignment and grades will come back low, not that they have. I study from home, so mostly keep my education to myself, to ensure no expectations from others.
It affects my education most, but also feeds into my daily life sometimes. I fear playing sports at my gym or with my partners friends as I use to play lots when I was younger, so feel they have a high expectation of me. Which is ridiculous even in my mind as we only play for fun, and doesn’t really matter at all if I don’t play the best, yet it still stops me from participating.
I have no logic to why I am so afraid of failing. Maybe a severe lack of self esteem and faith in myself? I’m really not sure, but I wish I could suddenly overcome it. If anyone reading has a similar fear, or has any advise, please share below!
Thank you for reading, I hope you have faith in yourself!