3.10.CC.HOME_.MaleLonlinessI never truly understood what loneliness felt like. Until this year that is. As a young adult I never thought I would feel lonely. But I do. It is such an intense emotion for me, very different to how I’ve felt before.

I live in a city where I have no friends of my own. I live with my boyfriend, and this is the only person who makes me feel less alone. I hate to rely so much on him. He has a large friendship group, both from his work and his uni friends. I get along well with them, but I mostly only see them on night outs, and they’re only friendly as I am his girlfriend. Other times he socialises with them alone, which is normal, but it makes me feel left out, as I have no other opportunities to do them things. I’m not jealous or paranoid of my boyfriend, I just envy that he has the opportunity to go out with friends and I don’t. I also miss out on events that I want to do, as I have no one to go to them with.

I feel most alone when I have a funny story or achievement, and have no one to share it with. I think I mostly began this blog as a way to talk about things of interest that otherwise would talk to a friend about.

I’m not particularly an introvert, I love my alone time, being cosy and reading a book, but I also crave social interaction and being outdoors. For example, I love playing badminton, my boyfriend despises it, so I haven’t got to play in months, and it’s not something I can do alone. I’m craving friendship. I’d like a friend, one who would like to stay in and play board games, or want to travel, or enjoy a night life, anything, I don’t mind, as long as they’d like to be in my company.

I sometimes feel it is my fault, maybe I am doing something wrong, and people don’t want to be my friend. It’s mostly that I haven’t had the opportunities to. I study my degree online, so don’t interact with my peers, I currently don’t have a job so am unable to make friends with colleagues. I’m just not sure where to even begin?

I hope this feeling is only temporary, as I’m sure it will be. I’ve never felt so isolated in the world before. If you’re reading, and have similar feelings of loneliness, you are welcome to message me. I promise I don’t bite haha. Just remember you’re not alone, no matter how much it feels like it.

 

 

23 thoughts on “I feel alone

  1. I felt very similar to this when I was your age. I found friendships and social media quite shallow and meaningless. I made most of my best, close friends after I had children. The only thing I’d suggest is joining clubs, societies, doing a little volunteering, anything that gets you out of the house. But it’s better to be content in your own company than surrounded by people whose company you don’t enjoy. That’s real loneliness x

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  2. Hey, I can totally relate to this. I have one friend I rarely see and I mostly socialiss with my boyfriends friends. I also don’t work so I haven’t got a circle of friends there either. It gets pretty lonely. I started my blog so that I could get my feelings out there because I have nobody to share them with. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’re not alone, I’m sure there are many of us out there. We’ve just got to keep the faith that it won’t always be like this. X

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  3. I had a large social group. They all hang out together and go places and do things. Once I started dating my girl, they all just… moved on.
    There have been tough times, and when I reach for friends they sort of cut me off and tell me I gotta break it off with her. My best friend still talks to me, actually called to talk the other night. I don’t speak to my parents. My sister is supposed to be visiting for the first time in about 6 years, but I talk to her maybe twice a year otherwise.
    I have this whole ‘family’ thing going on. My son calls her daughter his sister. They have slept in a bunk bed until recently. My family is so happy being this family, but I feel like I lost a lot of myself. I lost my friends. I don’t have money to go out and I rarely get two consecutive hours without being needed by one of them.
    I get stalked on social media, so I use it lightly. I’m not on Facebook at all. It’s almost like I’m missing a limb or something, the way everyone just expects you to have it.
    So, I definitely feel lonely and yearning for company. But, I hardly ever have an hour -alone-.

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  4. I just posted something similar on Twitter yesterday. I’ve been feeling truly alone (I have a job and am surrounded by pretend friends, who would stab me in the back at any chance) and I hate this. I, like you, enjoy alone time to read and binge movies/series, but we are social creatures and we need human interaction like we need to breathe. If I was anywhere close I’d stick you for a coffee. But don’t let go of great opportunities because you have to go alone, take a chance and make friends there (easier said than done, I know)… Do what scares you the most socially and see if you can surprise yourself. I’ll try the same. ♥♥

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  5. I’m the same exact way!! The only difference is I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m extremely timid so I barely speak to begin with. I also would like a friend so bad and always have for as long as I could remember. I made friends before, but they’re so hard to keep. One good thing is I won’t give up on this goal because its so important to me- loneliness really is hard! But don’t worry, I’m sure we will have many more opportunities show up in the future 🙂

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  6. With depression/bpd and social anxiety I am very familiar with lonliness. Been feeling this way since forever. Like im isolated on an island or watching everyone enjoy/exprience life through the window in a door. Im starting to get used to it though and even crave the solitude of a hermit. But I still crave companionship as well.

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  7. I’m so sorry you feel this way, I do hope it passes quickly. Feel free to message me as someone new to talk to. I live on my own while I study at uni so find I can relate and empathise with how you are feeling 🙂 All the best… Delora x

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