I never truly understood what loneliness felt like. Until this year that is. As a young adult I never thought I would feel lonely. But I do. It is such an intense emotion for me, very different to how I’ve felt before.
I live in a city where I have no friends of my own. I live with my boyfriend, and this is the only person who makes me feel less alone. I hate to rely so much on him. He has a large friendship group, both from his work and his uni friends. I get along well with them, but I mostly only see them on night outs, and they’re only friendly as I am his girlfriend. Other times he socialises with them alone, which is normal, but it makes me feel left out, as I have no other opportunities to do them things. I’m not jealous or paranoid of my boyfriend, I just envy that he has the opportunity to go out with friends and I don’t. I also miss out on events that I want to do, as I have no one to go to them with.
I feel most alone when I have a funny story or achievement, and have no one to share it with. I think I mostly began this blog as a way to talk about things of interest that otherwise would talk to a friend about.
I’m not particularly an introvert, I love my alone time, being cosy and reading a book, but I also crave social interaction and being outdoors. For example, I love playing badminton, my boyfriend despises it, so I haven’t got to play in months, and it’s not something I can do alone. I’m craving friendship. I’d like a friend, one who would like to stay in and play board games, or want to travel, or enjoy a night life, anything, I don’t mind, as long as they’d like to be in my company.
I sometimes feel it is my fault, maybe I am doing something wrong, and people don’t want to be my friend. It’s mostly that I haven’t had the opportunities to. I study my degree online, so don’t interact with my peers, I currently don’t have a job so am unable to make friends with colleagues. I’m just not sure where to even begin?
I hope this feeling is only temporary, as I’m sure it will be. I’ve never felt so isolated in the world before. If you’re reading, and have similar feelings of loneliness, you are welcome to message me. I promise I don’t bite haha. Just remember you’re not alone, no matter how much it feels like it.