Firstly, I’d just like to put a trigger warning on this post for anyone who is sensitive to the topic of self harm, suicide and mental illness. These posts are written in diary form, therefore it is not necessarily factual/helpful to those who may be struggling, please take this into consideration when reading. If anything causes you concern, you are welcome to email me or reach out to a mental health helpline.

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Firstly, I’d like to say I am NOT ashamed of my mental illness, this is important for you to understand. I choose to keep it to myself. Due to this, my education, career and job are unaware of this, as well as my family, this ensures no one can worry. My partner is the one person who knows, don’t worry; I am safe.

No one knows about my mental health, just you guys, the ones who read my anonymous blog. This is why my blog is anonymous, to create a safe environment for me to talk in. You couldn’t work out who I am, my name, age, where I’m from,photos are not disclosed anywhere. This does not mean I don’t want to get to know you, I’d love to make an online friend:)

I’ve kept it to myself for so many years that I automatically have a facade in place. I don’t regret my decision to keep it private. The only times I find it difficult is when I am struggling, unable to attend my classes, and being the reason I had to leave my job, but having to come up with a different excuse. I have never needed medical care, despite my self harm(blog post coming soon) or seen any mental health professional. I have an intense fear of being forced inpatient, I know its irrational, but keeping it to myself lowers my fear considerably.

I hope you are all well!

A little update:

I am doing really well at the moment. I am ahead in my studies, and slowly proving to myself that I am good enough for this. My nightmares are at a minimum, I’m eating 3 meals a day, and have zero anxiety. I am doing CBT everyday over email with my online therapist; would anyone like a separate blog post on my experience with this?

 

14 thoughts on “My mental illness is a secret?

  1. I thank you on being open and humble about your illness. The longer I live, i realize that everyone has something they are coping with- and it is the fortunate who seek an avenue to channel their energy, advise friends and families, and assist others. I’ll keep reading…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I applaud you for creating a safe way for you to discuss your mental health anonymously. Your mental health is so fiercely personal and due to the stigma, judgement etc. everybody needs to do what’s right for them. I feel people like us who blog about it are helping to educate and lessen the stigma. I really enjoy your posts. You have an awesome self awareness which comes through intensely in your writing. Kudos to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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