Firstly, I’d just like to put a trigger warning on this post for anyone who is sensitive to the topic of self harm, suicide and mental illness. These posts are written in diary form, therefore it is not necessarily factual/helpful to those who may be struggling, please take this into consideration when reading. If anything causes you concern, you are welcome to email me or reach out to a mental health helpline.
Firstly, I would like to ensure everyone that I am not ashamed of my scars! I simply just don’t associate them with my current self. I’m so disconnected from self harming that I often forget that I have scars anymore, until I look down on my wrists and remember. It’s an odd feeling.
I sometimes wish they would disappear, I don’t dislike them, I just don’t want them there anymore. My scars have finally faded to white. I sometimes worry that they could affect my future career though, does it make me look less professional? I’m not sure, I haven’t researched, or know the opinions of others. It doesn’t affect my opinion of others at all, but I’m not sure if others share the same mindset? (opinions appreciated in the comments)
I have never known anyone else to have self harmed, I didn’t know it was really a thing until I searched it on social media as a teen. I’ve never seen others scars in real life, other than one time I saw visible scars on a stranger who walked past me in the street. I felt alone.
I no longer feel the need to cover my arms with long sleeves, which is a big step from the past. I even wear my watch visibly everyday! I haven’t touched a blade to my skin in over 4 years now, that’s a long time. I’m happy with the fading of my scars, but I don’t think they’ll ever fade completely.
I never thought it possible to be in a place where I not only don’t want to harm myself, but forget I even did. I am proud of myself, I am not ashamed to express that. I never speak of self harm in real life, but if anyone questions my scars, I’d be happy to answer, I won’t hide anymore.
Thank you to anyone who read! If you suffer with self harm, I hope one day you can be in a position like me(never thought I would say anything like this..) I am here if anyone needs support.