My anxiety disappeared? You probably don’t believe me, or don’t think I had anxiety in the first place, But I’d like to share my experience.
I never believed myself to have anxiety, I have no idea how, as it was rather obvious. I even went to the doctors complaining of chest pain, that I never experienced at home, I can’t believe now that I didn’t put two and two together. My doctor told me it was probably just stress, so I assumed I was just being dramatic, and felt embarrassed I even went to see him in the first place. It mostly happened on trains, I have a huge fear of being unable to escape, which is why my anxiety was so high when traveling, hence the chest pain. I put the pain down to travelling, sitting down for long periods while moving fast, kind of like travel sickness I guess. Bear in mind, I was unable to step foot on a bus, tram or taxi during this period, as the fear of escape was too much to handle, I only got on trains as it was a necessary. I still can’t believe it took me so long to accept I had anxiety. A counselor diagnosed me with severe anxiety disorder, although I only believe it to have been moderate.
My attendance at college dropped drastically, to a mere 50% as I couldn’t control the anxiety of being in a classroom, and not being able to leave; feeling trapped. I couldn’t concentrate when in class because of this, so I did most of my work from home. This was happening at the same time I developed my intense fear of failure. (Another blog post I wrote)
The time I woke up and rationalized that I had anxiety was the day I was determined to ‘recover’. I refused to take anti-anxiety medication and decided to do this on my own. I started with giving myself a list of things I wanted to complete. For example; getting a bus. I didn’t go into straight away, it took time. I started with getting a bus with my boyfriend, he paid the ticket and pressed the button when we got off. The next time, he would still come with me, but I ordered the ticket ect. We did these steps until I was able to do it on my own.
I can’t believe I had this much determination, but am so grateful I pushed myself this hard, as I can now say I am anxiety free. I still experience it sometimes, but so does everyone right? This process didn’t happen overnight, many months, over a year later, I am now ‘cured’. I feel like a different person, I now have ambition to travel the world, who would have thought the intense anxiety I use to experience would turn into an adventurous person?
Thank you to anyone who read this post, I’d like to hear your comments!