Firstly, I’d just like to put a trigger warning on this post for anyone who is sensitive to the topic of self harm, suicide and mental illness. These posts are written in diary form, therefore it is not necessarily factual/helpful to those who may be struggling, please take this into consideration when reading. If anything causes you concern, you are welcome to email me or reach out to a mental health helpline.
A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post about starting CBT; cognitive behavioural therapy. I’ve been doing it daily for two months now, and I am just starting to see some progress, so thought it time to update, as I would like to document my journey. It has made me realise how long I might actually be in therapy for.
It’s interesting, an odd way to describe treatment; I am enjoying learning new things, but is it very hard. Mentally exhausting. Too much thinking about my brain. I often have nothing to say other than ‘I’m not sure’ ‘I guess so’ as I am so overwhelmed at times. Overwhelming is the best word to describe my therapy experience so far.
My therapist is palling to leave in half a year, therefore I am hoping I will be stable enough after 8 months of daily treatment, as I really do not want to switch therapist and start over again.
I had a comment asking for a more detailed experience, I still feel like it is early days, and by no means an expert, but here is a little insight. I speak to my therapist daily Monday-Friday over 9 hours, including 1 hour video chat. We not only do CBT, but talk about how I’m feeling and day to day things; It would be too exhausting doing CBT constantly 5 days a week.
In CBT we are focusing on negative thoughts, in particular SI;suicidal ideation. We work out how truthful my thoughts are, and how much I logically believe them, and if they were truthful what would the consequences be ect. I’ve learnt about different cognitive distortions, and how to identify them. I have filled in a few work sheets; some on self worth, fears ect. Therapy is expensive, but I am hoping it will be helpful for life.
I’m still finding it difficult how to communicate, how formal does my language need to be, what information is relevant, am I portraying my emotions in the right way? I’m just trying to be myself, and not change the way I would say things. I appreciate my therapist , he changes his technique or method if he believes one way isn’t quite working for me.
Thank you for reading my update, if you have any specific questions I’m open to answering them in the comments or email.