Firstly, I’d just like to put a trigger warning on this post for anyone who is sensitive to the topic of eating disorders,suicide and mental illness. These posts are written in diary form, therefore it is not necessarily factual/helpful to those who may be struggling, please take this into consideration when reading. If anything causes you concern, you are welcome to email me or reach out to a mental health helpline.
In the depths of my disordered eating,due to the lack of calories and over purging, my period stopped for multiple months. My body didn’t have enough intake to reproduce, let alone menstruate. Once I started fuelling my body, my period eventually returned! Oh I was grateful! I have had a regular period for 2 years now.
But I am worried,what if them few months caused permanent damage to my reproductive system? Children are definitely wanted in my life. I guess there is no way to find out until the time comes where I am ready to have children. I am currently on ‘the pill’, and when my partner and I have been ‘risky’ I haven’t had any shocks, which is good! But in the back of my mind I worried it’s because I am infertile. I lack friends, therefore I don’t know if this is a worry for the average women? (Would anyone like a separate post on intimacy/sex and mental illness? For example;body image,lack of desire/vise versa,impulsiveness.
I realise this is a very personal topic to talk about, therefore my emails are open if anyone has any questions. My blog is anonymous hence my openness. I’ve been struggling with suicidal intrusive thoughts often the past few weeks, and I’ve liked being on here to distract myself. I don’t have social media so it’s nice to have this platform. I wasn’t going to post this as it’s very short/not filled with much context, it didn’t’ feel ‘good enough’. I then reminded myself this is MY blog, and like a diary, therefore does not need expectation. Thank you for reading, struggling tonight so if anyone wants to comment/email to chat,I’d be grateful! What is your favourite book?