In my previous post, I wrote how well I am doing currently and I can confirm the same still remains! Yay! But I am feeling a little anxious (Not a daily occurrence for me anymore) as I am travelling to Africa soon. This post doesn’t specify anything in particular, I just would like like to write while these irrational thoughts are with me currently.
Anxiety: Surprisingly I am not anxious about the actual travelling. The airport crowds, long flights, running for trains, not sleeping in my bed for a few weeks, not knowing where I am etc, are not things I actually struggle with. I actually enjoy long journeys; means more reading time! The main things I am anxious about are physical illness, not in myself but in the people I am travelling with.(they are all very healthy, been travelling before and have never had such experience) It’s not logical for me, but I am increasingly paranoid someone is going to have a life threatening illness while we are in a foreign country. I don’t want to write it, but I am fearful I will come back without one of my friends.. Very irrational but oh so frightening! (May be a part of OCD). I think it is partially heightened this time as Africa is known for lots of diseases, and I haven’t personally travelled outside of Europe. We have had all our necessary immunisations. For me, it’s a matter of being distracted from these irrational thoughts!
Suicidal ideation: This is something I have struggled with for a long time, it’s not chronic/all the time, it only happens sporadically but is usually very intense and overwhelming, especially as I don’t normally feel low before the intrusive thoughts happen. They haven’t been often recently, so I hope they don’t occur while I am away! I am travelling with my partner, so feel confident I will be able to handle them if they do occur. (suicidal ideation is the main reason I haven’t been able to travel independently)
This might not be my last post before I leave the country, but if it is, I shall update when I am back! I hope the start of the new year is treating you well! It is for me!