This is a new topic for me to write about as I have never been well enough to recognise when I could be slipping. It’s been around 6 months of feeling strong/mentally well. I still get intrusive thoughts, but can handle them/ they no longer affect my life to the extent they once did. They are also less frequent.

Recently, I have noticed they the intrusive thoughts seem to be more intense. My first step to preventing a relapse is recognising why this may be happening. This time it is simple; I have a quite large career change. I am a full time online student student studying for a bachelors degree, as well as working part time as a barista. I recently applied for a job ,not expecting to get anywhere as I had no experience in this field, but relates to my degree. I have been offered the job, 3 full days a week. It will be a lot harder work than being a barista, therefore I am worried it’ll be too much on top of university. I said yes to the offer, as I won’t know unless I try! It will also be a good basis for a future career.(Plus I wouldn’t be a poor student)

I know that stress is a huge factor for my intrusive thoughts occurring, which means I am currently experiences more intense thoughts, leading to bouts of suicidal ideation. Knowing the reason why I feel this way is helpful for me, as it feels more logical.(but thoughts of ending my life are still hard to process)

My second step is doing something special for myself. Which is what stage I am at now. I walked myself to my favourite coffee shop, got myself a cold brew and cake, and am having some me time. Scrolling through blogs on my laptop, a book to read. Just taking some time to relax, and avoid feelings of anxiety about the new job, and thinking I should be studying instead. I can easily become overwhelmed, and want to give up. So this is me taking a step back.

It shocks me how well I am handling everything. I am capable of so much more! It creates stress, but completing something you find hard is so rewarding! I am supposed to be at the hospital having bloods/tests done, I have never done this alone so I am worried! My partner is too busy with his masters, so I’m determined to attempt this challenge alone! If I don’t manage it today, I definitely will tomorrow.

Here’s to being optimistic whilst struggling!

8 thoughts on “How I am preventing a relapse

  1. You seem to be doing a great job with those changes, nice!! The me-time and reward is such a good idea.
    As for the job, starting something new is stressful but you will soon get used to it and it will be your “new normal” and therefore the stress level will go back down. I have started a new (way more challenging) job in January and am happy to report that i’s becoming a bit easier every day. Expanding your comfort zone will be a great thing, but it will take a bit of time. Good luck!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s a struggle, I know, and well done for coping so well. I know all about the intrusive thoughts – I recently had a bit of breakdown that was largely down to them, or the ‘critical inner voice’ as I subsequently discovered it was called. Now, I know it’s not done to push one’s own blog in the comments on others’ blogs, and I’m really not, I promise, but in this case I do think I the research I did after my breakdown that helped me deal with things a whole lot better might be of help to you. I won’t put the link in, but if you go to my blog and look at my ‘Reactance’ post, it may be of some help to you. There are a lot of useful links in it. Best wishes for the continued fight against your own voices – it can be done, as I’ve discovered.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. There was no follow up today so I hope that all went well with the tests yesterday. I’ve lived with mental illness my entire life. Since I’m now in my mid-50s and have a beautiful family, I assume I survived well enough. You’re doing great and I wish for you all of the success in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I went on my own to the hospital! Have to wait a couple days for the results, thank you for checking up. That sure sounds like you survived well, I’m happy you have a beautiful family! Thank you for commenting, I wish you all the success too!!

      Like

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