I was adamant I was going to end my life and didn’t expect to be alive when I hit 18. I hadn’t applied to university or any further education expecting never to need to. This left me really confused as to what to do with myself, considering I hit adulthood and was no longer suicidal.

I started a last minute course doing something I wasn’t really interested in, and didn’t challenge me educationally, but I wanted to do something to make me feel ‘less stupid’. I have always been academically focused. I then decided to have a year away from any education to focus on my mental health.

This brings us to now. For the past 7 months I have been doing a bachelors degree in, and still have a little over 2 years left. Recently I have been filled with a passion to go to medical school once I graduate. I kept pushing the idea away as I’d never be ‘smart enough’ to do medicine. My university average is 96%, a very high First, so I’m unsure why I have no confidence in my academic skills.

For now I am going to keep this passion to myself, as I have a while until I need to apply, so have lots of time to process my decisions. If medical school is for me it would mean another 5-7 years at university on top of my current degree. A long time!

I am an obsessively organised person which would be put to good use haha. I’m going to try and relax about worrying for the future, and just live in the now.

Here’s to everyone surviving who never expected to still be here. Thank you!

8 thoughts on “Why I find it difficult planning my future /becoming a doctor?

  1. I believe that sometimes life has a way of putting you on a certain path; other times you have to do a little searching in order to find the right path for you. You never know what fantastic opportunities may come your way either before or after you graduate and I’m sure you’ll know the right path to take when you reach that crossroad.
    No matter what though, you deserve to be here and you deserve to be happy, so well done for climbing back on the ‘educational-horse’ and good luck with the rest of your course! ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s a problem about the suicidal thought. You cornered it well. Most of us do survive them, even if we still occasionally keep seeking refugee in the idea of ending life prematurely. The idea of suicide is to some extent an escapism, it is a way of not taking responsibility of the life ahead.

    You have found your life-boat, however. You said it: It’s passion. Pursue it and never let it go. Do everything in your power to cultivate it, to nourish it and let it thrive. Keep it sacred. If you turn your back on your passion, it will shrink and shrivel, and chances are that you’ll never find it again. Passion does not flourish by itself, and it certainly doesn’t come around more often with age. Nothing matters more, not your ideas of your own worth, nor anyone’s opinions, nor the utility of the subject of your passion.

    Good luck, go for it, dedicate yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is difficult situation. I am medical student and I have passed through this too. Ask yourself why you want to be physician. I think that is the main point. Have clear vision which gives you a reason to get up every morning. Medical schools can be intimidating without clear vision. I hope you do the right thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When applying to do medicine did you have a background check, like medical wise? were they aware? Thank you for your comment, I shall do the right thing. I don’t need to make a definite decision for a while, so I have to process&think everything through.

      Like

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