I am very open about my mental health on my blog, I talk about the current struggles, the past, I’ll answer any questions and share even the deepest thoughts. This is the complete opposite to what I am like ‘irl’.
My struggles with mental illness began around the age of 14, and those close to me; family, friends and teachers all noticed something was wrong. I began seeing a counselor through my school, but did not engage at all. During my exams a friend saw my self harm marks and told the school. This was an extremely anxious time for me, as my worst fear was people knowing. Luckily for me, there was a miscommunication and the lady in charge of health did not get the message. It was a week before I left school, so it was never followed up, and graduated. I am appreciative now of the friend who tried to help, but we have drifted apart since we moved to other sides of the country.
Therefore, I left school without anyone knowing the extent of my mental health. Even I wasn’t aware of the severity of how I was feeling. I assumed it was what every teenager went through, and would disappear as I grew older. I can confirm that that did not occur haha.
The only person who knows how I truly am is my partner. Even then it took me two years to be open. I found it extremely difficult but am glad I did. This was a few years ago, and has been very supportive through my journey, and sees my progress with me. I am comfortable with just one person knowing. (Should I make a separate post on the pressure of supporting a loved one with mental illness?)
My part time job does not know of my mental health issues, and as I do not feel it affects how I work, I shall not be mentioning it. Yes, work is a lot more harder for me when I am having intense intrusive thoughts, but so far I have gotten through every shift. I do my degree through a distant learning institute, therefore also feel it is not necessary for them to be aware. My current situation of working and education is working well for me. I am adult still in education after taking a few gap years to focus on my health and this sometimes brings negative feelings, but I’m fine once I recognize my progress. There is no time limit!
I’m sure people are going to have different opinions to me. This is not a good time to be posting this, seeing as it’s near mental health awareness week. But I want to ensure I am not hiding my mental illness as I am embarrassed ect, I am all about raising awareness! It’s just personal preference for my life. It is easy to write on my blog, as I created this space to be anonymous and therefore can write without fear of judgement. I also like that those reading have to create an image of who they think is behind the writing on these posts and I wonder if they are all the same?
I’m not happy with the jumbleness of this post, but it’s my unknown blog and a place for me to write my thoughts. I am safe and well, and that is most important!
I have also wrote a mental health related post about being with someone/connecting with friends who do not suffer with mental illness and all that entails. I hope to upload this before mental health awareness week ends.