Introverted and loneliness?

I know that I am an introverted person. I thrive in my own company and productivity. I like being with others but only for short periods of times. I need alone time afterwards. I find it difficult spending a few days with someone, as it’s rare to have down time.

In the past year or so, I have felt lonely, not all the time, but often. This is a fairly unknown feeling for me. I didn’t understand what loneliness meant until last year when this feeling first began for me. It’s friends mostly. I have a great partner, I am so happy with our relationship but I have no friends of my own. My partner has many, who are technically my friends too now? but not really.

I yearn for close friends of my own, but cannot find connections with anyone, and it feels like I never will. We recently had my partners guests stay for a few days, and I’m finally glad to be on my own again. I had a great time, and was nice to spend time together, but I now need alone time to balance out the socializing.

It feels so odd to NEED to be alone to thrive. But always craving friendship and social time with others. How can I want friends when I enjoy my own company so much? Annoying! I guess it’s finding a balance. How without any true friends can I see this happening in the near future.

My colleagues at my part time work often go out with each other outside of work, but I have never been invited. I have been working there nearly a year now. I know I shouldn’t care, but I feel left out when everyone talks about it all day at work, and it’s is hard. It makes me feel like it’s me, or my personality. Maybe I’m the reason why people don’t want to start friendships? Bearing in mind, no one knows about my mental health or my blog, so they’d dislike me even more if they knew about that too.

There are so many aspects of my life which are amazing right now, and I am beyond grateful for that. This makes me feel guilty for feeling lonely or left out. As usual, it’s both sides of my brain with opposing opinions…


  1. I need to be alone to be happy. I am a social person,I do have friends and I do like going out an so but I need to spend 70% or more of my time alone to be happy and at peace. This makes it hard to keep those friends and it can get really frustrating always assuring them that my alone time does NOT mean I am upset with them, I don’t like them or something along these lines. Also, this characteristic of mine makes people reluctant to ask me to ahng out or to join them when they go out. It’s not that they don’t like me or they want to exclude me. It’s just that they never know when is it ok to ask me out or to hang because most of the time I’d say no. People like us need to make the first step when it comes to this sometimes. If the image we created was the one of people who enjoy being by themselves, people will think that this is what we want. They cannot read our minds and know that well, right now i would actually love going out for coffee. So maybe sometimes try to take initiave 🙂 Not anything big, but small things like maybe ask what are they doing afterwork or do they have any plans for the weekend, talk about something you may have in common. Again, I don’t know you personally and I can only assume but

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  2. This really resonated with me. I don’t consider myself as having a best girlfriend. I moved in with my fiancé in his hometown, so he knows practically everyone while I only know and have friends there through him. It sure does feel lonely sometimes

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  3. Being an introvert, I get you 100% when it comes to feeling left out of conversations – I’ve recently realised it tends to be more that people realise I’m quiet and leave me that way so as not to make me uncomfortable!! Sometimes it helps to pick up a new hobby, or even find a new cafe to sit in – you never know who you might end up chattering to xx

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  4. I totally understand as well. …… Hopefully the loneliness will subside. ….. I began to feel lonely once I realize that not many people will ever understand me. ……. Thanks for sharing!!! #infj

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  5. Definitely all about balance! I’ve lost friends and partners throughout time because of my need for alone time. I simply cannot function without large chunks of time by myself to process and regroup. So many have felt I was being uncaring, turning away from them. How to make then understand it had nothing to do with them?

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  6. I can definitely empathise. My introversion and need for time to be alone and recharge means that socialising can be tough, and it’s hard not to feel left out and alone sometimes. Hugs to you, and thank you for sharing this post 💛

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  7. Try taking the myers-briggs type indicator test. It could give you insights on your personality and maybe help with understanding your needs a little better. There are some free tests online. I discovered I’m one of the most rare types – INFJ. Knowing this made me feel better about my introversion and I was able to accept myself for who I am and not try to be someone I’m not. Good luck in your quest to find the right balance!

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  8. Its not you. You are a very nice person. I like you and I am sure its not you. I am sorry they havent invited you out with them. I hope that will change. Sending hugs to you my friend xoxoxox

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