It’s hard to know what anxiety is until you have suffered personally. My anxiety used to be quite moderate, I don’t want to say severe as I didn’t suffer with panic attacks too. Anxiety used to affect me to the point of being unable to do the things I needed to. I noticed it was particularly bad in situations where I felt I couldn’t escape, buses and taxi’s were completely off the table, I only managed the train because it was the only way of travel, which I avoided and did rarely, as it was a gruelling experience. My intense fear of failure caused me so much anxiety that I could not even pick up my pen in tests and exams, which I am sure you can work out the consequences. This was particularly difficult in my teenage years, and really affected my life.
Years later, where am I now? I am great! I do still experience anxiety, but only slightly more than the average person, well I think… (Read my last blog post on how I recognise the difference between ‘normal’ and irrational stress and anxiety). I am able to do the everyday things! I travel to my job, which is huge for me, and doesn’t prevent me going. I don’t enjoy the travel, but it definitely isn’t gruelling. I get public transport alone, I can basically do anything alone now! Which not only rewarding for me, but for my partner to see too.
Last week I had an assessment at my part time job unexpectedly, where I felt my heart suddenly beating fast, my palms were sweating, I felt like I couldn’t get enough oxygen, shaking… Obviously this wasn’t a pleasant experience but the next day I realised how far it is for me to feel this way anymore. It made me recognise how far I have come in my journey! If you suffer with anxiety, be aware that you won’t feel this way forever. I couldn’t think of a time where I wouldn’t feel this way daily but somehow I am already there! (just FYI that I did not take any medications specifically for my anxiety but know this is a life saver option for some). I am at this point because I worked hard and constantly challenged myself. I’m recognising how far I have come and I should be proud.