Mental Health

Current update on my mental health

I’ve had a little bit of a hiatus and this is mainly because I’m in the middle of a blip. I thought I was doing horrendous but as pointed out from my partner I’m managing well. Despite my current brain, I’ve somehow kept going. I’m still at work, I’m still meeting my degree deadlines. This in itself is showing me how far I’ve come.

Thoughts to self harm have returned. I know I’ll stay safe, it’s just a matter of rationalising and waiting for them to pass. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to, I’m just aware I shouldn’t. It’s mentally exhausting trying to get through them. I haven’t cut myself in over 5 years, and the majority of that time the thought to harm myself hasn’t been present, so it’s a little hard that they’ve returned after so long.

Worthlessness is playing a huge part in my life currently. I’m finding it difficult to see why I should carry on doing all the things I am. I don’t want to engage with anyone as I don’t want to be a burden. I want to go without it affecting anyone. I rationally know this isn’t possible. I don’t even want to leave. I love my partner so much that it’s worth staying alive just to spend time together. I don’t want to burden him. I feel incredibly guilty and worthless that he has to deal with me. He deserves the world.

I feel guilty about the space I’m taking up. I don’t know what I currently should do. I know this feeling will pass (I hope) it’s just a matter of getting through. I’m currently home alone for a few days, so this will be testing. I’m annoyed that I’m experiencing this now. I have so much to do, so much to live for. I want to be alive.

I’m okay. I will get through. Just struggling.

16 thoughts on “Current update on my mental health

  1. I just want to let you know that I enjoy supporting you on what you have to say. I experience the same thing, but I want to let you know that you are totally worthy of living a fulfilling life. We need you 🙂 let’s continue to be a support system. Congrats on no self harm for the past few years!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel for you and undertand that feeling of, “What am I doing this all for?” thing.
    The answer is this… You are doing it all! You are accomplishing things you first doubted you could do all at once, and now look at you!!!
    I know ewe don’t catch each other all the time, but I can honestly say, I roud of you!
    Okay… You’re thinking about stuff you don’t want to think about, this is only normal. People with mental health can’t help but to overthink anything/everything. Flip the negative and guilty feelings and ta yourself on the back instead.
    You are really tackling a lot!! 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right,I’m tackling so much more than I think!! It’s just so hard to see when you’re in that mindset… I’m a little better now,more optimistic! Thank you so much for your continued support! Always here if you want a chat💛💛

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Just know that you’re strong even you relapse, from experience I know that the hardest time is when you relapse and you have to keep going.❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I get it. I’ve been there. I used to self harm, I tried committing suicide twice, and I now have 4 kids. I have really bad days still, but I get through them. I may not know you but I do know you are worthy of life. You have a purpose, and I hope you find it easier to remind yourself of that daily! Much love ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s