I doubt anyone has paid particular attention but my posts have been more book related than the usual mental health focus. This is mainly because I find it harder to talk about my mental health when I am well. Is this odd? I think it’s because my mind is not one hundred percent focused on my brain like it is when I am mentally unwell. When unwell it seems to be the only thing I think about. So it’s nice to not be thinking about my brain for once!
Firstly, the biggest aspect that has changed in my mental health is my suicidal ideation. Up until a few months ago, I would often get intense intrusive thoughts about ending my life. They use to be deliberating, then once I began to get better they were hard to deal with, but I was able to get on with day to day life. Currently, I very rarely feel suicidal. After 6ish years of feeling this way, it is a phenomenal change of mind. I thought I would always have suicide in the back of my mind. I’m still not at the stage where I’m 100% confident this won’t be my answer, but it’s definitely getting closer! I can’t describe in words how wonderful it feels to not feel this way. I can actually work on future targets as I now believe I’ll have one. This has bought so many positives in my life. I’m evening changing my college degree in the fall as I feel I’ll have a better future with this option. (Despite making me feel ‘stupid’)
Anxiety has also reduced significantly. It often goes through periods of good and severe, but this is different. When I have anxious thoughts my mind doesn’t react in the way it used to. I have exams coming up soon, and I feel I am going to be able handle them in a healthy way. (post coming soon) My day job is also more manageable, I’m no longer plagued with thoughts that I’m not good enough and my colleagues feel I’m letting them down. This has not only improving my day at work, but also the nights before where I would previously be anxious for the next day.
This isn’t an advice post, or anything in particular. I just wanted to write down my current mental health. A positive mental health update is a new thing for this blog, and I hope there is more to come!!
I have planned a few other mental health related posts, including:
-How I’m doing CBT – Knowing when to take a break studying – Mental illness in work and education/ how to go about it – my experience of ‘forced’ recovery- & many more! I’m also open to suggestions on posts, and will answer any mental health related questions!