If you’ve been following my story you’ll know I’ve struggled with my mental health for quite a few years. I have had very low lows, but also had months of wellness. (TW on the whole of this post in relation to suicide and self harm). Since the beginning I been through multiple forms of therapy but still am yet to have a diagnosis. (I’ve avoided being in this situation). I still struggle with suicidal thoughts but have not self harmed in over 5 years.
For the past 10 months I have been the healthiest I have been since my teen years. I am not on any medication, I have my own house, I’m getting a degree and I go to work, all without much difficulty! I still have some days where I am consumed by intrusive thoughts, but they rarely last more than a day and I give a good attempt to working through them.
My state is still in quarantine and has been for quite a while now, and surprisingly this hasn’t hindered my progress. Yesterday, I had a bad day. It felt like the past, and that I would suddenly never be better and would have to live with this for the rest of my life and I wasn’t prepared to do that. I had no intention to act on the suicidal thoughts, but it petrified me how suddenly and intense they came.
Today I have woken up with a much clearer mentality. (PHEW) It made me realize a few things. Firstly, how well I have progressed the past few months. That this bad day was one day, and not my norm, which it used to be last year. Secondly, it petrified me that mental health is so fragile. Lastly, I plan to return to therapy. I haven’t engaged previously as I was too unwell. So I think soon will be a good time to work through things whilst I’m mentally stronger. I’m well enough currently to live a relatively positive life, but I know I still need to work through a few things and gain some healthy coping mechanisms. I don’t want my life to revolve around mental illness.
I guess this ended up being a positive mental health update? I know the current situation has bought harder times to those with mental illness, so I am here for anyone if you need a chat. Your mental health is SO important, so please stay safe both physically and mentally.